Coping emotionally

Anger

What is caregiver anger?
What can I do about my anger?
When should I talk to my doctor about my anger?

 

 

What is caregiver anger?

Many caregivers feel angry at some point. They may curse, yell, get irritated, withdraw, or even get physically sick. Caregiver anger usually comes from feeling out of control, overwhelmed, anxious, scared, tired or stressed. As a caregiver you may feel angry that others are not helping enough, or angry at yourself for not doing more. You may feel that the situation is unfair and/or too much.

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What can I do about my anger?

Here are some tips for dealing with your anger:

  • Get help with caregiving.
  • Talk to someone. Try not to hide your feelings. Sharing how you feel helps others understand, and gives them a chance to help.
  • Recognize when you’re angry.
  • Explore what’s causing the feeling. There may be perfectly good reasons you’re upset.
  • Remove yourself from the situation. Take a short break when you need to.
  • Find someone that you can talk to about your feelings. This could be a trusted friend or a mental healthcare professional.
  • Try to avoid lashing out at others.
  • Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
  • Use your anger to motivate you to take action.
  • Find a support group for caregivers.
  • Ask friends and family to distract you when you’re angry.

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When should I talk to my doctor about my anger?

Call 911 or your health provider immediately if you feel you might harm yourself or someone else.

Also contact your healthcare provider if you:

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Next learn about...

Getting help with caregiving
Talking with family & friends
Avoiding substance abuse

Article Category: 
Coping emotionally
Article Topics: 
Coping Emotionally

Anxiety

What is caregiver anxiety?
What can I do about my anxiety?
When should I talk to my doctor about my anxiety?

 

 

What is caregiver anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness, discomfort or impending doom. It is common for people taking care of someone with cancer to experience anxiety. It can be caused by a loss of control, fear for the patient’s well-being, worry over family finances, uncertainty about the future, and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Caregivers with anxiety can have physical and emotional symptoms. Emotionally, you may feel tense, worried, wary, agitated, or distracted. Physically, you may tremble, sweat, or shake. You may be short of breath, have a rapid heart rate, or feel like your heart is pounding in your chest. You may have an upset stomach, headaches, loss of appetite, nausea, or difficulty sleeping.

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What can I do about my anxiety?

Here are some tips you may find helpful:

  • Get help with caregiving.
  • Try to identify what "triggers" your anxiety.
  • List things that have helped in the past, and then try them out.
  • Talk about your feelings with others. Be honest. Try to describe your how you're truly feeling. Ask your family and friends for ideas on managing your anxiety.
  • Try to find a support group or online forum for caregivers.
  • Learn about the patient’s type of cancer, treatment and what to expect. You can research this yourself or ask someone to do it for you.
  • Do things you enjoy or find distracting, like listening to music.
  • Try using controlled breathing or guided imagery to relax. Consider asking a friend to help with this.
  • Surround yourself with friends if that relaxes you.
  • Try prayer or meditation.
  • Get exercise. For example, go for a walk with a friend.
  • Get a massage.
  • Limit caffeine, including coffee, colas, black teas, and chocolate.
  • Avoid alcohol.
  • Ask your doctor for a counseling referral, or talk to him or her about medications for anxiety.

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When should I talk to my doctor about my anxiety?

Talk to your doctor if you have:

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Next learn about...

Getting help with caregiving
Coping with fear & uncertainty
Talking with family & friends

Article Category: 
Coping emotionally
Article Topics: 
Coping Emotionally

Depression

What is caregiver depression?
What can I do about my depression?
When should I talk to my doctor about my depression?



 

What is caregiver depression?

Depression is deep sadness that lasts more than two weeks, and gets in the way of daily activities. If you are depressed or have depressive symptoms, you may cry often, have problems sleeping, eat too much or too little, feel hopeless, helpless, sad, guilty, worthless, and/or sluggish. You may have trouble feeling pleasure, or find yourself pulling away from family and friends. You may even want to hurt yourself. (Call your doctor immediately if you do.)

Feeling sad is normal when dealing with cancer. People can usually deal with this short-term. But, ongoing feelings of depression need to be treated with counseling and/or medication. Caregiver stress and overload can put you at risk of depression. Studies have shown that caregivers have higher levels of depression than non-caregivers.

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What can I do about my depression?

Here are some tips for dealing with depression:

  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to a healthcare provider if your depression lasts more than two weeks. Tell your doctor exactly how you feel, and what medications you are taking. Ask for a referral to a psychologist, clinical social worker, counselor and/or support group.
  • Know the symptoms of depression, and recognize if you have them.
  • Get help with caregiving so you have time for yourself.
  • Try to understand what’s causing your depression.
  • Talk to friends or family. Try to describe your feelings and how they are affecting you. Ask your family and friends for ideas to help you deal with your depression.
  • Avoid being isolated. Join a support group.
  • Talk to a counselor, pastor, priest, or psychologist.
  • Cry and express your feelings. You can do this with a friend or use a journal.
  • Try meditation, massage, and relaxation exercises.
  • Try focusing on something other than how you feel.
  • Find a creative outlet like cooking, dance, painting, or music.
  • Avoid alcohol.
  • Eat well. Get help if you are having eating problems.
  • Get enough sleep.
  • Do something that brings you pleasure each day.
  • Be around other people in restful, relaxing situations.
  • Get exercise, and spend time outside.
  • Ask family and friends to stay with you during difficult times, check in with you often, do enjoyable activities with you, and help with stressful tasks like doctor visits, bill paying or household chores.
  • If you are prescribed medication for depression, take it as directed.

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When should I talk to my doctor about my depression?

Call 911 or your doctor immediately if you feel you might harm yourself or someone else, and/or call a regional suicide hotline.

Contact your doctor if you experience any of these symptoms most of the time for two or more weeks:

  1. Depressed mood every day for most of the day
  2. Little interest or pleasure in most activities
  3. Noticeable weight loss or gain or a major change in appetite
  4. Sleep problems
  5. Agitation or the feeling of being “slowed down”
  6. Excessive tiredness or lack of energy
  7. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  8. Inability to concentrate or make decisions
  9. Frequent thoughts of death or suicide

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Next learn about…

Getting help with caregiving
Coping with loneliness & isolation
Talking with family & friends

Article Category: 
Coping emotionally
Article Topics: 
Coping Emotionally

Fatigue

What is caregiver fatigue?
What can I do about my fatigue?
When should I talk to my doctor about my fatigue?

 

 

What is caregiver fatigue?

Fatigue is an overwhelming sense of tiredness. If you are fatigued, you may have little energy to do the things you normally do—even if you are getting enough sleep. You may feel tired all the time, weak, worn-out, slow, or heavy. You may also feel sad, irritable, and frustrated. Fatigue can affect your quality of life, mood, relationships, and performance.

Caregivers are at risk of fatigue from emotional stress, overload, poor sleep, poor nutrition, and not enough exercise.

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What can I do about my fatigue?

Here are some tips:

  • Get enough sleep.
  • Get help with caregiving and household chores so you can take breaks.
  • Nap no more than 30-45 minutes in the late morning or early afternoon.
  • Stay active during the day. Get at least 15 minutes of exercise every day.
  • Try not to overload your daily to-do list.
  • Make time for things you enjoy.
  • Eat well. Have healthy snacks around, like a bowl of fruit, vegetables, or cheese. Avoid fatty and fried foods especially at bedtime.
  • Drink water or beverages without caffeine to keep hydrated.
  • Avoid caffeine after 3pm, including coffee, colas, black teas, and chocolate.
  • Try relaxation exercises or meditation.
  • Join a support group. Support groups can provide suggestions and reassurance in a safe environment.
  • Talk to others about your fatigue.

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When should I talk to my doctor about my fatigue?

Talk to your doctor if you are:

  • Unable to get out of bed for 24 hours
  • Having a hard time focusing while talking, reading, watching TV, etc.
  • Unable to do your usual daily activities
  • Have severe chills or sweats
  • Have a temperature above 100.9 F (38.3 C) or a temperature higher than 100.4 F (38.0 C) that lasts for more than an hour
  • Are short of breath

Also let your doctor know:

  • When your fatigue started
  • If it’s gotten worse
  • What helps or makes it worse
  • How it affects your activities

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Next learn about...

Getting help with caregiving
Talking with family & friends
Coping with sleep problems

Article Category: 
Coping emotionally
Article Topics: 
Coping Emotionally

Fear & Uncertainty

What is caregiver fear and uncertainty?
What can I do about my fear and uncertainty?
When should I talk to my doctor about my fear and uncertainty?

 

 

What is caregiver fear and uncertainty?

Uncertainty is the inability to know what will happen in the future. Cancer and cancer treatment can be scary and unpredictable. Feelings of fear and uncertainty among caregivers are normal. But, they can become a problem if the caregiver feels he or she has no control over life, or is overly anxious, angry, depressed, or stressed as a result.

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What can I do about my fear and uncertainty?

Here are some tips:

  • Don’t try to deny your fear. Talk about it with a friend or counselor.
  • Try to avoid thinking about "what if's." Focus on the aspects of your life that you have control over.
  • Try not to let your emotions and fears sway your decisions. Seek out the information you need to make good decisions. Ask a friend to help with the research.
  • Talk to the patient’s healthcare provider about what to expect. Then prepare to the best of your abilities.
  • Give your mind a break. Distract yourself with a book, a movie or a friendly conversation, or ask a friend to spend time with you doing something fun.
  • Figure out what helps you manage stress, and do it.
  • Find a support group.
  • Write down a list of things you’re thankful for. Look at it when you’re feeling scared.

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When should I talk to my doctor about my fear and uncertainty?

Talk to your doctor if you have:

Next learn about...

Getting help with caregiving
Talking with family & friends
Coping with caregiving

Article Category: 
Coping emotionally
Article Topics: 
Coping Emotionally

Loneliness & Isolation

What is caregiver loneliness and isolation?
What can I do about my loneliness and isolation?
When should I talk to my doctor about my loneliness and isolation?

 

 

What is caregiver loneliness and isolation?

Isolation happens when a person does not spend time with other people enjoying themselves. Caregivers have a lot to do. There are bills to pay, people to call, prescriptions to pick up, and appointments to go to. You may lose track of friendships and stop having a social life because of caregiving duties. This isolation can make you feel lonely, depressed, or sick.

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What can I do about my loneliness and isolation?

Staying in contact with people other than the patient is important. These connections can promote happiness, better sleep, and better health.

Here are some tips for avoiding isolation:

  • Do a little something for yourself each day. If you can’t take an afternoon off with a friend, schedule a daily phone “date” with someone.
  • Ask family members and friends to understand that even though you may be busy, you need and want them to reach out. Ask them to check in with you even if you can’t return their calls right away. Ask them to keep inviting your out even if you often have to say no.
  • Invite friends, family and church members over to visit, take a ride, go for a walk, or eat out.
  • Join a support group in-person or online.
  • Get help with caregiving so you can get out of the house for a little while.
  • Don’t feel guilty! Making time for others does not mean you’re short-changing the person you are caring for.
  • Take the time to call and catch up with those friends and family with whom you have lost touch.
  • Accept invitations to social gatherings.
  • If you have a hobby, do it for a little while every day.
  • Rent a movie. Go to a play or concert. Go out to lunch. Take a walk.
  • Take a class to learn about something that interests you.

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When should I talk to my doctor about my loneliness and isolation?

Talk to your doctor if you are:

Next learn about…

Getting help with caregiving
Talking with family & friends
Avoiding substance abuse

Article Category: 
Coping emotionally
Article Topics: 
Coping Emotionally

Sleep Problems

What are caregiver sleep problems?
What can I do about my sleep problems?
When should I talk to my doctor about my sleep problems?

 

 

What are caregiver sleep problems?

Sleep problems include insomnia (the inability to fall or stay asleep), hypersomnia (problems staying awake), and poor quality sleep. Sleep problems can change the way you think and feel. If you haven’t had a good night's sleep, you may feel tired, irritable, and/or jittery. You may not feel like doing anything—even things that are usually enjoyable.

Caregivers often have sleep problems. You may be getting up during the night to help the patient. Or, you may be staying up late to get things done. Depression, anxiety or fatigue from caregiving can cause sleep problems.

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What can I do about my sleep problems?

Here are tips for getting a good night sleep:

  • Go to bed and get up at the same time every day.
  • Use your bed for sleeping only. Don’t watch TV, read, or pay bills in bed.
  • Keep your bedroom quiet, comfortable, and at a consistent temperature. Try a radio, fan, or mood music to filter out noises.
  • Don’t eat a heavy meal right before bed. If you are hungry at night, try a light snack with warm milk.
  • Get help with caregiving.
  • Get exercise during the day (but not right before bed).
  • Take a warm bath an hour before going to bed.
  • Try to deal with problems or worries during the day, and set them aside when you go to bed.
  • Avoid tobacco. Nicotine is a stimulant.
  • Avoid caffeine after 3 pm, including coffee, colas, black teas, and chocolate.
  • Don’t drink alcohol.
  • Try relaxation exercises or meditation before bed.
  • Ask others to avoid calling when you’re usually asleep unless it’s an emergency.
  • Ask someone to give you a backrub or foot massage at the end of the day.
  • If sleep medications are prescribed, follow directions carefully.

Here are some additional tips if you are sleeping too much (more than 12 hours per day):

  • Avoid boredom. Distract yourself with hobbies or other activities when you feel sleepy during the day.
  • Avoid sweets.
  • Avoid peanuts and dairy products, which can make you sluggish.

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When should I talk to my doctor about my sleep problems?

Talk to your doctor if you have:

  • Overwhelming fatigue
  • Frequent nightmares
  • Confusion on waking
  • Depression
  • Frequent waking during the night
  • Inability to get back to sleep after waking
  • Inability to carry out daily activities
  • Sleep problems lasting longer than three weeks
  • Overuse of sleep medication

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Next learn about…

Getting help with caregiving
Talking with family & friends
Getting exercise

Article Category: 
Coping emotionally
Article Topics: 
Coping Emotionally
This website was created to provide information, education, and support that will help cancer caregivers care for themselves and their family members. It is not meant as medical advice. Please check with your physician for any advice about your health.